It's A Buffy, Buffy Christmas

THE MUSICAL!

By Rita Karl

For Jim

Christmas 2001

Buffy - Rita
Giles - Jim
Willow - Anita
Spike - Frank
Dawn - Gigi
Zander - Doug
Bunny - Jo
Santa - David
Demon King - Mike

Practice sites:

http://stratadmin.com/christmas.html
http://www.personality-creations.com/xmas/SA.htm
http://members.madasafish.com/~andysresourcecentre/christmas.htm

ALL:

You better watch out
You better not slay
Better not bite
It's nearly the day
Santa Claus is coming to town (Giles: Gather 'round)

He's making a list
And checking it twice;
Gonna find out who's evil and nice
Santa Claus is coming to town

He sees you when you're slaying
He knows when you're on the take
He knows if you've been bad or good
So be good for goodness stakes!

O! You better watch out!
You better not slay
Better not bite
It's nearly the day
Santa Claus is coming to town,
Santa Claus is coming to town!!!!!!!!!!

Scene One

Giles: This London fog is so thick I couldnít see a vampire until it was sucking my blood.  Damn.  I sure miss the beautiful California weather in Sunnydale.  Brrrrr!!  It is cold.  Ah, here is my mailbox.  Now letís see what we have.  Ah.  A Christmas Card from Buffy and the gang.  I miss you too my little slayer.

GILES:

I'll be home for Christmas
You can count on me
Please have blood
And vampire's love
And magic 'neath the tree

Christmas eve will find me
Where the Buffy gleams
I'll be home for Christmas
If only in my dreams...

I'll be home for Christmas
You can plan on me
Please have spells
And demon hells
And Buffy 'neath the tree

Christmas eve will find me
Where the Buffy gleams
I'll be home for Christmas
If only in my dreams...
If only in my dreams!!!!!!!!
 


Scene Two

Buffy: Zander you are dropping pine needles all over with that tree!

Zander: Aw címon Buffy - youíre just cranky because Giles isnít here this year.

Buffy: Well, maybe, but be careful!  Dawn!  Willow!  Come help decorate the tree Zander and Bunny brought!

Willow:  Zander, its beautiful! Can I decorate it?

Buffy: NO!  I mean, not with magic, okay?

Dawn: Yeah Willow - youíre using too much magic these days!  Anyway - we want to do it the old-fashioned way!

Bunny: Letís sing an old-fashioned Christmas Carol then!

Willow: Good idea!

ALL:

Rocking around the Christmas tree
at the Vampire party hop
Mistletoe hung where you can see
every demon tries to stop

Rocking around the Christmas tree,
let the Good Guy spirit ring
Later we'll have some pumpkin pie
and we'll do some sla-aying

You will get a sentimental
feeling when you hear
Voices singing let's be cholic,
deck the halls with boughs of garlic

Rocking around the Christmas tree,
have a happy holiday
Everyone slaying merrily
in the new old-fashioned way.

You will get a sentimental
feeling when you hear
Voices singing let's be cholic,
deck the halls with boughs of garlic

Rocking around the Christmas tree,
have a happy holiday
Everyone slaying merrily
in the new old-fashioned way!!!

Merry Christmas!

Buffy: The tree looks so pretty with all the lights and everything on it.  Hmm-itís getting dark.  Maybe I better go out on parole.

Dawn: Oh not yet Buffy, letís have some hot chocolate!

Bunny: Yeah!  The kind with little marshmallows.

Dawn: Yeah, like Tera used to make.  Oh Iím sorry Willow!

Willow: Itís okay Dawnie.

Zander: These little stake ornaments are so cute Buffy!

Dawn: I made them for her.

Bunny: Okay everyone hereís the hot chocolate- now if it would only snow.

All: WILLOW!!!!!

Willow: What are you guys talking about, I wasnít going to do anything!

Buffy: If only Giles was here. I hope he got our Christmas Card!

Willow: Itís so nice to have us all together and the tree and everything.

WILLOW:

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas
Ev'rywhere you go;
Take a look in the five-and-ten, glistening once again
With magic spells and witchy brew aglow.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas,
Brooms in ev'ry store,
But the prettiest sight to see is the garlic that will be
On your own front door.

A pair of magical boots and a slayer that shoots
Is the wish of Zander and Dawn;

Wands that will talk and will go for a walk
Is the hope of Willow and Spike;

And Buffy and Giles can hardly wait for demons to roam again.

EVERYONE JOINS IN:

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas
Ev'rywhere you go;
There's a tree in the Sunnydale Park, one in the graveyard as well,
The sturdy kind that doesn't mind the snow.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas;
Soon the spells will start,
And the thing that will make them zing is the magic that you weave
Right within your heart.

Scene Three

Buffy: Hmm-everyoneís gone to bed and itís so quiet! I better go do some patrolling, just in case the Demon King is planning on making trouble for us.

Spike: Or for Santa!

Buffy: Spike! You scared me.

Spike: Did you like it?

Buffy: Oh stop!

Spike: I had a lot of fun the other night..

Buffy: When you were Ďin the buffí so to speak?

Spike: So to speak-I love you Buffy.

Buffy: I bet you say that to all the slayers!

Spike: Aw címon Buffy, what do you want for Christmas?

Buffy: Just to be left alone!  I canít get involved with another vampire. Spike- you just canít commit to a relationship like this! Itís- itís immoral!

Spike: Have it your way! You always do!

DOOR SLAM.

Scene Four

Wolf howling

Buffy: I should have asked Spike to come patrolling with me tonight. I have a funny feeling here in the graveyard tonight - like Iím being followed.

Giles: By your guardian angel perhaps?

Buffy: GILES!  I canít believe itís you!  You came back!

Giles: For the holiday - I just couldnít celebrate Christmas with you and the gang. Besides, it was damn freezing in London!

Buffy: Thatís great, we really missed you and itís wouldnít be Christmas without you!

Demon King: RRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Giles: Youíre on Buffy.

Demon King: Ahhh, the slayer.  Just what I wanted for Christmas!  A little stocking stuffer.

Buffy: You talking to me?

Demon King: RRRRRRRRRRRRR.

Buffy: IF you knew how to talk.

Demon King: First you, then Santa.

Buffy: NOT SANTA!  Take that (BAM!), and that! (CRACK!)

Demon King: Hah!  You canít stop me with your little gymnastics. Iíll be back - and Iíll be riding Santaís sleigh! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Giles: Nice try Buff.

Buffy: You could have knocked him on the head with a rock or something.

Giles: Youíre on your own now kiddo.

Buffy: Giles, you donít think heíll really try to - you know- to Santa do you?

Giles: I didnít know you still believed in Santa.

Buffy: Well since Iíve met you Giles, I believe in ALL magical creatures.  Címon letís get back home.  What a surprise youíll be to everyone in the morning!

Wolf howling.

Spike:  Damn you Buffy!  Who do you think you are anyway?  A Mortal?  Iíll fix you!  Iíll bite you!
Or-Iíll-..Iíll-

SPIKE:

I'll have a blue Christmas
without you;
I'll be so blue thinking about you.

Blood that's crimsony red
on a green Christmas tree
Won't mean a thing if
you're not here with me

I'll have a blue Christmas, that's certain;
And when that vampire ache starts hurting,
You'll be doing all right
with your Christmas of white,
but I'll have a blue, blue Christmas.

Scene Five

Jingle bells

Buffy: Isnít it great to have Giles with us on Christmas Eve?

Dawn: It is good to have you back Giles.  We missed you.

Willow: Yeah, Christmas wouldnít be the same without the whole gang together again.

Zander: Absolutely!  If it wasnít for the Demon King we could all settle back and relax tonight.

Bunny: Ah, weíll manage- we always do!  How about a little caroling?

ZANDER AND BUNNY:

Mele Lugosi-maka is the thing to say,
On a dark Vampiran Christmas eve,
That's the vampire greeting that we send to you
From the night where creatures howl,

Here we know that Christmas will be green and red,
The sun to shine by day and all the vampires dead,
Mele Lugosi-maka is vampire's way
To say "Merry Christmas to you."

A very, very, very, Merry Christmas to you.

Buffy: That was great you guys!  Now what about presents?  Can we open one tonight?

ALL AT THE SAME TIME:

Dawn: Yes!  Willow: Yes!
Zander: No!  Bunny: we have to wait till morning!

Giles: Goodness!  What chaos!  How about: You open one if itís your tradition to do so?

Bunny: Ex-demons donít have Christmas traditions.

Zander: We always waited till morning.

Buffy: Well, Iíll just see whatís under the tree anyway-..hmmm-

Dawn: What is it Buffy?

Buffy: Nothing I just thought thereíd be one from - never mind. Hereís one for you Dawn!

Dawn: Can I open it?

Buffy: Go ahead.

PAPER noises.

Dawn: Wow!  Itís my very own-..AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!

Everyone: WHAT IS IT?

Dawn: In the F-F-F-F- ireplace!

ALL:  AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!

Demon King: RRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Buffy: You just get yourself back up that chimney and donít come back (BAM! SMACK!)

Giles: Good kick!

Zander: Go girl!

Willow: But donít you think heíll come back?

Giles: No, I donít think so.  I think heís got another plan in mind.

Willow: Perhaps we better get out the old Buffy Bot to patrol tonight? At least she could keep things under control while Buffy stayed home with us.

Giles: Good idea. I think we need to have Buffy home with us tonight. After all it is Christmas and I did fly several thousand miles to be here.

Dawn: I like TOTALLY agree, Buffy?

Buffy: Okay.  But I am still nervous...

Dawn: Letís sing some more carols, thatíll help!

DAWN:

Said the demon to the Buffy Bot,
do you see what I see? (ALL: do you see what I see?)
Over in the graveyard, little bot,
do you see what I see? (ALL: do you see what I see?)

Buffy, Buffy, slaying in the night
With a stake as big as a kite
With a stake as big as a kite

Said the Buffy Bot to the vampire boy,
do you hear what I hear? (ALL: do you hear what I hear?)
Zinging through the dark, vampire boy,
do you hear what I hear? (ALL: do you hear what I hear?)

A spell, a spell, speeding through the trees
With a force as big as the sea
With a force as big as the sea

Said the vampire boy to the demon king,
do you know what I know? (ALL: do you know what I know?)
In your hovel warm, demon king,
do you know what I know?  (ALL: do you know what I know?)

A slayer, a slayer shivers in her grave
Let us bring her magic and spells,
Let us bring her magic and spells!

Said the Buffy Bot to the people everywhere,
listen to what I say! (ALL: listen to what I say!)
Pray for peace, slayers everywhere!
listen to what I say! (ALL: listen to what I say!)
The slayer, the slayer sleeping in her grave
She will bring us goodness and light,

ALL:
She will bring us goodness and light!

Scene Six

Bells, howling.

Buffy: Everyoneís gone to bed. Maybe I should go out patrolling- that Bot is singularly stupid sometimes.  I canít believe Spike didnít leave me a present.

Giles: Didnít you break up with him?

Buffy: Oh Giles! I didnít see you there!

Giles: Just off to bed - donít stay up too late!

Buffy: I wonít.  Thanks again for coming Guardian Angel!

Giles: Good night Buffy.

Buffy: I do miss Spike, even if he is a blood-sucking demon. <BIG SIGH>.

BUFFY:

Spikey baby, slip a sable under the tree, for me
I've been an awful good slayer
Spikey baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight

Spikey baby, an out-of-space demon-catcher too, light blue
I'll wait up for you vamp
Spikey baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight

Think of all the fun I've missed
Think of all the demons that I haven't kissed
Next year I could be oh so bad
If you'd check off my Christmas list
Boo doo bee doo

Spikey honey, I wanna new Buffy-bot and really that's
Not a lot
I've been an angel all year
Spikey baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight

Spikey cutie, there's one thing I really do need, the spell
To rid the world of vamps
Spikey cutie, and hurry down the chimney tonight

Spikey baby, I'm filling my stocking with a crucifix, and stakes
Sign your 'X' on the line
Spikey baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight

Come and trim my Christmas tree
With some magic bought at Giles's shop
I really do believe in you
Let's see if you believe in me
Boo doo bee doo

Spikey baby, forgot to mention one little thing, a curse
I don't mean a swear
Spikey baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight
Hurry down the chimney tonight
Hurry down the chimney tonight

Spike: At least Iím a good demon.

Buffy: Spike! When did you get here??

Spike: Just now-just in time to see you finish up your little number.

Buffy: Forget that. Why are you wearing that Santa suit??

Spike: Well I couldnít not bring you a gift now could I?

Buffy: You brought me something?

Spike: I was going to ask what you wanted actually.

Buffy: Well, I- (kissing noises)

WILLOW:

I saw Buffy kissing Santa Claus
Underneath the mistletoe last night.
She didn't see me creep
Down the stairs to have a peep;
She thought that I was tucked up in my bedroom fast asleep.

Then, I saw Buffy tickle Santa Claus
Underneath his beard so snowy white;
Oh, what a laugh it would have been If Giles had only seen
Buffy kissing Santa Claus last night.

Buffy:  Spike, I have a funny feeling about all of this - you in the Santa Suit, the Buffy Bot on patrole, the Demon Kingsí threats.  You werenít followed over here were you?

Spike: The Demon King? Whatís this? The Bot is out?

Buffy: I think weíd better go find her.

Spike: Letís go.

Buffy: But youíre dressed as SANTA!

Spike: Donít you like it?

Buffy: Oh brother - letís go.

Door shutting.

Demon King: RRRRRRRRRRRRR

Buffy: Watch out!

Spike: Iím not -- (BANG! SMASH!CRASH!) Iím not --

Buffy: Heís NOT SANTA!!!

Demon King: RRRRRR-well he looks like Santa!

Santa: No you ugly-faced monster, Spike isnít Santa, because Iím over here!!!!!!!!

Buffy: Santa- Watch out!!!

Willow: Buffy!  Whatís going on down there????

Buffy: Willow- take care of Dawn, we can handle this one!

Demon King: Oh you can- can you???? Well I just happened to bring a few of my evil smelling friends with me!!!!!!

ROARS, STAMPING SOUNDS.

Santa:  Donít worry about them kids!! Reindeer! DO YOUR STUFF!!!!!!!

Jingle bell noises, smashing, crashing, groaning noises

Buffy:  Go Rudolph!

Willow and Dawn: Get Ďem Santa!

Spike: Well, what do you know-the reindeer can fight.

Giles: Yup- slayers everyone of them!

Spike: Giles! What are you doing here?

Giles: Just here for the holiday.  Look at those antlers go.  They seem to be able to pierce right through those demons!

Buffy: There goes the Demon King.  Way to go Santa.

Dawn: Santa is it really you??

Santa: Absolutely my little lady.  Now everyone better hurry back inside.  Itís past midnight, which means you can open your presents now.  And I think you might find a few from me!  Letís go Rudolph- Heigh-Ho- Away!

ALL: Merry Christmas Santa!!!!!

Willow: Címon - everyone down to the tree! Iíll call Zander and Bunny!

Scene Seven; The Finale

Buffy: Wow, an out-of-space demon-catcher too, light blue!

Dawn: Spike I just love you in that Santa Suit.

Spike: Well I think it was a one time thing, but Iím glad you like it.

Giles: So Zander and Bunny -what do you think of my gift?

Bunny: We love it Giles - but what is it?  Itís an English recipe book!  With my favorite Welsh Rarebit.

Bunny: RABBIT??????

Zander: No, no, not rabbit.  Chill out honey.

Willow: Hey - everyone look outside.

Buffy: It canít be- Why itís-

Dawn: Snowing!

Buffy: Willow - you didnít did you?

Willow: It wasnít me I swear!

Dawn: Whoís that coming down the street? Why it looks like -

Buffy: Itís TERA! Willow- itís Tera!

Willow: It canít be.

Giles: Thatís Tera all right and sheís loaded down with presents!

Buffy: Now weíll all be together!  And thatís what the holidays are all about.

Spike: I think itís time for another Christmas carol everyone, what do you say?

ALL:

Have a Buffy, Buffy Christmas;
It's the best time of the year
I don't know if there'll be gore
but have a cup of cheer

Have a Buffy, Buffy Christmas;
And when you walk down the street
Say Hello to freaks you know
and demons you meet

Oh
ho
the mistletoe
hung where you can see;
Somebody waits for you;
Stake her once for me!

Have a Buffy, Buffy Christmas
and in case you didn't hear
Snow is fluffy,
have a Buffy,
Buffy Christmas this year!!

Happy Holidays!!!!!!!!!!!

THE END